I awakened in the dark of night with a feeling of being abandoned without protection. Fearfully, I whispered to the universe into the darkness: Where are you? I cannot see you; I cannot feel you; I cannot hear you. I was terrified and unable to return to sleep until the light of dawn.
This experience happened weeks after I had made the decision to discontinue facilitating my weekly ACIM groups and spend my time authoring a book addressing my perceptions of an insane and dangerous world and how I entered a much quieter place in my mind. At the time, it did not occur to me that I might feel a sense of loss, regret, and quilt.
At the time of my decision, it seemed a logical and intelligent idea, particularly because I felt I had spent the last several years fulfilling my life’s work by facilitating these groups. It felt like an easy transition from the spoken to the written word. It did not occur to me that this decision could ever possibly involve a process that would lead me down a path of fear that would be painful and paralyzing.
In ACIM, Jesus states: It can hardly be difficult to do your assigned tasks, since it is I who do them. That appeared to me to be an easy admonition to accommodate. But wait! Without seeming to have any blocks to achieving this task, I had forgotten that, particularly with regard to a life changing decision. I had forgotten to ask, what is this for? When asked, this question that Jesus posed to us, would take us to the true purpose of our decision as to which voice we are listening; the Holy Spirit (true purpose) or the ego’s entrapment. As a result of failing to ask this question, my ego automatically answered for me. That is how I arrived at my questioning the ‘darkness’ that I talked about above. Belatedly, I finally asked the question. Rather quickly, I came to a place of quiet certainty about the new direction in which I am now ready to travel fearlessly.
I rest assured, having released that which interfered with my original intention that all decisions are now made by joining with the Holy Spirit; no effort nor questioning. This permits me to proceed ahead to walk on my new path.
To all of you who have traveled this road with me I offer you my sincere gratitude, and remember, with you, how much we have loved each other eternally. The course beautifully describes it so:
My Self is holy beyond all
the thoughts of holiness.
It’s shimmering and perfect
purity is far more brilliant
than is any light I have looked upon.
Its love is limitless with an intensity
hat holds all things within it
in the calm of quiet certainty.
P.S. No one who has ever walked with us is without this very essence of truth resting upon their hearts.