Jeff Siebert, PhD,

 



When does your ego take hold of you?

My ego takes hold of me whenever I take myself seriously. And you know, it's much more of the time than I'd really like to admit. For me, taking myself seriously seems most often to express itself in feelings of lack or scarcity, such as not having enough time, sleep, money, etc. All those feelings tell me I take this self I identify with quite seriously, because this is definitely a self based on scarcity and lack, that is, on separation. But usually, those feelings are covered over by feelings of irritation or anger toward someone or something else that I'd like to hold responsible for my not having enough.

So if I don't pay attention, it's easy to believe it's the external situations that are making me feel concerned or anxious or annoyed or irritated. Maybe the driver in front of me is slowing down rather than speeding up as we are approaching an intesection with a green light. Or one of my co-workers is occupied doing something in another part of the building when I want some assistance so I can get one of my tasks completed. Or the phone rings at my desk as I'm trying to get back to a project that has been in need of my attention for more than a few weeks. Or my roommate wants my help with something as it's getting late and I'm wanting to go to bed. Or he wants to buy some new electronic gadget or software for his computer and there's barely enough money left in our joint monthly budget for groceries.

When I step back from my reactions, I'm learning to see that they are not really coming from the external situations, but rather from my interpretations of those situations. And my interpretations are based on my belief in scarcity and guilt, which necessarily follows from taking my seemingly separated self seriously, as if this is really who I am. Now there's the real source of the guilt and feelings of lack!

So I'm learning that my ego does not really take hold of me but rather I willingly place myself under its influence so that I can hang on to my own definition of myself. And while in the past I could succeed in placing responsibility for the effects of that decision – fear, anxiety, depression, etc. - on forces outside myself, now, as the pain is becoming increasingly less tolerable, it's good news to know that I really have a choice about it.